M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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