He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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