She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
