I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
