As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
