its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
