I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
