Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
