the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
