Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
