We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
