I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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