All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
