you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
being pregnant is like rehab
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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