remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
