Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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