I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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