What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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