I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
