she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
