also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
