Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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