Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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