He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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