george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
