they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize