i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
