do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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