I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
