I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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