Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize