Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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