Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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