I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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