I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let's paint friendship bongs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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