turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
