When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
