You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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