dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize