We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
