I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Randomize
