Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
