VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
