Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
