Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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