So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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