I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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