There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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