Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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