my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
