I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
