Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
