I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
