Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
