due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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