that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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