You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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