That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
