my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
