I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So squirting runs in the family.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
