Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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