ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
