we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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